We all have a go-to for comfort, right? Comfort food, comfort book, comfort movie and TV show. Like Vivian, I grew up as the only child of parents who fought often, so I relied on comforts. One of my favorites was I Love Lucy on Nick at Nite. Beyond the laughs, I adored the love between them, especially knowing they were a real couple. It was the perfect comfort show.

When I learned Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz had ended up divorcing, I felt let down. What had happened? They looked happy on TV.

Actors, right? That’s the point. They’re good at pretending.

The One and Only Vivian Stone was inspired, in part, by them: a couple who appeared to have it all but didn’t. When deciding on the main wedge to drive my couple apart, I kept coming back to alcoholism. But truthfully, I fought against it.

My dad, like Vivian’s, was an alcoholic. So was my grandpa. One time, he got so drunk he hit a telephone pole and had to walk home while dripping blood. Coming up with scenarios to write wasn’t difficult, but it was uncomfortable because it meant reflecting on stressful and sad memories. Many times I wanted to delete a scene. Or change directions. Sometimes I wanted to show the worst of it, only to decide that would change the focus of the story when it’s only one part of it.

There are many sides to alcoholism, and how one person behaves is not going to be the same as another, much like Vivian’s dad and Kit are different. Both accurately represent aspects of alcoholism I’ve witnessed. You might have different experiences, but these were mine.

In the end, I think I had to write this thread of Vivian’s story not only to make peace with what I experienced growing up but to better understand how complicated it was for my mom to love and be married to someone with an addiction.